Sh*t no one tells you (in the weeks after birth)
Ok, real talk, having a baby is messy in so many ways. What’s frustrating though is that all the “mess” isn’t really acknowledged. You’re not only physically recovering, you are balancing hormones, a mental state of being overtired, maybe anxious, worried, relationships are strained, family may be demanding for visits etc., etc.
After having your baby you may hear things like “Wow you look great, your body bounced back!” And you may think “Cool thanks for that ( hard eye roll), I’m physically “fine”, but mentally I’m really, really not.” Having a baby is hard to explain, and hard to understand until you’ve done it- so here are some of the things that aren’t really talked about that a few moms in our community put together.
Hopefully this helps at least one new parent not feel so alone in the first few weeks of postpartum.
Physically
You may hate your body, or feel really uncomfortable. You don’t have to “accept” your new body, but you also shouldn’t feel pressured to “bounce back”. You have a different body and it may not feel stronger- but just remember it birthed another human- it’s a badass body.
You may feel “out of control” or gross as you may be leaking breast milk and bleeding non stop. Definitely shower daily (NEVER feel guilty about that) and new pajamas can feel so amazing.
At first, even walking feels…weird. It’s important to take it slow and listen to your body’s cues. Even a five-minute slow-stroll those first couple weeks is a success.
It takes a couple weeks for your muscles and organs to shift back into their pre-pregnancy positions. After birth, there is a dinner plate-sized wound where the baby and placenta were, so cramping as your body readjusts is normal. Things like a belly band or even Spanx can help in the early days. Reach out to your doctor or pelvic floor PT to learn more!
Mentally
You may have intrusive thoughts about dying, killing your baby, accidents. They’re so scary and you may not feel like yourself. Seek help from a mental health provider… don’t wait for your 6 week postpartum check up!
You may not feel love towards your baby and that’s normal!!
Your relationship with your partner may become really strained - so try to keep communication open!
You may keep score with your partner internally “ I fed the baby all night , then pumped, did the dishes and folded laundry… and what did YOU do?!”
You absolutely should ignore annoying advice like “sleep when the baby sleeps” as that’s not helpful.
You don’t have to follow any societal norms of what you “should” be doing the first few weeks. Many parents choose to stay home with their newborn for a few weeks while others need to get out of the house asap with the baby ( go walk, go to a class or workshop, go to a coffee shop etc)
You may start to crave your old self, but your mind is processing so many new skills and is still in recovery mode (not to mention the sleep deprivation factor), so it’s totally understandable if you can’t jump right back into the old version of you right away. There are subtle ways to reconnect, rediscover—even reinvent—yourself as the weeks unfold. Don’t be scared if it doesn’t happen all at once—and you can even hold some space for a bigger, better version if you’re open to it!
Your priorities are changing. Don’t be surprised if you get some initial kickback from friends and family as your worldview and needs adjust. Be patient and loving to yourself. You’re exactly where you need to be.
You may not get the kind of support you expected—or even need—especially after the first week or two. It’s okay to keep craving it. It’s even better to keep asking for it. It’s okay to demand it. The first few weeks—even months—are hard and you deserve continued support physically, mentally, and emotionally as you navigate your new world.
Baby
You may think “how the f*ck do I keep a baby alive? Just remember cave men did it
You may feel uncomfortable or awkward changing your baby’s diaper and cleaning their genitals
Your partner may experience postpartum depression even though they didn’t give birth
You may feel anxious and worried about leaving the house.
You might constantly check to see if your baby is breathing when they are asleep.
You might feel different around your parents or in-laws. You may not like the way the handle the baby or talk to the baby. You may feel like you are annoyed at them especially if they tell you how to do things.
Babies make really, really weird noises and are often really, really noisy sleepers. Even if you don’t plan on formal sleep training (or sleep training at all), investing in a white noise machine can help you sleep at night when they sleep.
They may show a preference for you sooner than you think—so don’t feel guilty of taking advantage of the early days where they are so sleepy they can be held by anyone.
This is a crazy time. Do what YOU need and don’t listen to anyone but you and your baby. If you need help- ask. If you don’t want help- set those boundaries. If you need to get out of the house with baby in weeks 1,2,3 , but fear you will be judged- who cares! DO YOU. You got this. You may find yourself alone and feeding your baby at 2 am, 3am, 4am etc and it can feel like the loneliest place in the world. If you look out your window and picture all the other parents alone with their baby feeding at that very same moment hopefully you won’t feel so alone. Any and all emotions and challenges you face in the early postpartum days are not weird, rare or embarrassing- it’s all SO HARD.
There’s a book we love called “Good Moms Have Scary Thoughts” and it touches on a lot of the points/feelings/experiences we mention. Find it on Amazon.
Baby Booty welcomes parents to come join our community when you’re pregnant or in any stage of postpartum! We hope to support one another and encourage you to share your story and your challenges and your wins! We have social circles, stroller walks and yoga as a great way to get back into movement before the 5 or 6 week “okay” from your doctor to return to full exercise.
