What I Wish I'd Known Before Having a Second Baby

Congrats! You’re going to have a second baby. Having a second child is exciting and overwhelming at the same time. You know what to expect when it comes to labor and newborn care, but many moms wonder what life will be like with two.

We asked moms what they wish they’d known before having a second baby. Here’s what they said: 

1. Pregnancy Isn’t the Same the Second Time Around  

The pregnancy glow isn’t quite as strong the second time around. Many moms feel pregnancy with a second child is much harder in all aspects. Here are a few reasons why: 

• You’re chasing after your older child.

• You’re picking up all of their messes. 

• Many women grow bigger, and faster, so you may carry more weight. 

• You can’t get that daily afternoon nap in anymore. 

• You might not have as much time for self-care, like nutritious smoothies or prenatal massage. 

For some women the first trimester is the hardest; how do you tell a toddler to chill out because you have morning sickness and feel more tired than you’ve ever felt in your life?

The third trimester can also be difficult. At a certain point, it can feel near impossible to lower your toddler into their crib, bend down to pick up toys, carry a growing toddler, or make room for your first child on your lap. 

“I had to relieve myself of the guilt that my toddler was watching a few hours of TV everyday, because I just couldn’t muster up the energy to play all day long. I needed the break!” 

2. Postpartum Prep Now Includes a Family 

There may come a time after your second baby arrives when you realize you have enough newborn diapers for a month, but no diapers for your toddler! 

Preparation for your second baby needs to include more than just setting up the nursery. Once you get all your newborn gear organized, take stock of what the rest of your household will need in the first few months. 

• Replenish your stash of freezer foods and shelf-stable snacks for you and for your child. 

• Consider outsourcing any seasonal housework like snow shoveling, raking, or other yard work to a neighbor. 

• Stock up on pet food and supplies. Consider hiring someone to make sure your pets get some attention too. 

• If family and friends give you Amazon gift cards, load them into Amazon before the baby arrives. 

Invest the time now to gather a few extra household supplies, so that you can spend your time bonding with your baby instead of running to the store, or last-minute ordering online.

3. You’ll be Away From Your First Child 

Many moms aren’t prepared for the range of emotions that come with being away from your first child for an extended period of time. The time you spend in the hospital can be hard emotionally. 

Even if your labor is quicker (for many moms it’s remarkably faster the second time around), you still be away from your first baby, and your home, for at least a few days. It’s often the first time truly away from your first baby and your home. Also, remember that roller coaster of hormones that happens the few days after birth? It can be a really difficult time all around. 

“I missed my first so much when I was in the hospital and was sad that he couldn’t be there to witness his brother come into the world.”  

Every woman’s experience is different. While some may feel extreme sadness being away from their first child, it’s also okay to feel delighted to have a break from your family and home for a few days. 

Pro tip: If your first child comes to visit you in the hospital, set your newborn in the bassinet before they walk into your room. By putting the new baby in “neutral territory” (i.e. not in “MY mommy’s” arms) it allows your child to meet the baby on their terms, plus you get to greet your first child with open arms and your full attention. 

4. Your Baby Won’t be the Child Who Needs Your Attention 

“I thought I’d be chained to the couch, focused on feedings and poopy diapers, but in reality, I was spending most of my time chasing after my toddler and cleaning up her messes. The baby was truly an afterthought for the first few months!” 

It’s so easy to focus on the one thing that’s changing: adding another person to your home. Certainly newborns need a lot of care, but you may have forgotten that they also sleep A LOT in the first few weeks. Their needs are specific, but few in the very beginning. Use this to your advantage to put your older child’s needs first while you can, knowing there will be many times that the baby’s needs will come first in the future. 

Pro tip: Get ready to wear your newborn, often! A wrap or carrier will keep your newborn calm and content, while you play with your older child. If you can find a way to comfortably feed your new one while they are still in the carrier, it’ll make outings so much easier for everyone. 

5. Older Kids Reactions May Come Later Than You Might Expect 

“What really surprised me was that my toddler didn’t seem to react at first. Her changes set in a few weeks later.” 

Every child is different. Yours will react to the new addition in their own way and in their own time. If they don’t seem particularly affected right away, it might take a few weeks or months for the change to set in with them. Here are a few common ways toddlers react to having a new sibling: 

• Completely ignoring the baby.

• Getting upset if others hold or feed the baby. 

• Loving the baby too hard (head butts or really aggressive kisses)

• Picking the baby up. 

• Being jealous of the baby’s time with Mom or Dad.

• Regressing in any way (emotional, sleep, potty training, etc). 

6. Your Older Child’s Preferred Parent Might Change

If your first babe only wants Mom all the time, that may stay the same but it also may change. 

With the addition of a new baby, most moms might be worried about sibling jealousy. It’s typical that the older child will want mom even more now that the baby needs her so much. 

But toddler needs are unpredictable. You might find that your older child only wants to be with Dad (or your partner). Take advantage of that and get some good bonding time with your newborn. Your partner might really love (and need) the attention too! 

7. It Might Feel Like You’re Just Surviving for a While

Those first few weeks, and months are hard no matter how you slice it. You’re sleep deprived, healing, and getting acquainted with a new normal. 

Bringing a second baby home can be a very overwhelming experience, and you might feel like you’re just surviving for a while. Take a deep breath and remember that this feeling won’t last forever. There will come a day when it will all feel a little bit easier.

Go easy on yourself those first few months, you’re doing so much. If you feel overwhelmed, reach out for help or just to vent your feelings. 

8. You Know Way More Than You Did the First Time Around 

Trust yourself. You’ve got this because you’ve done it before. You’re stronger and wiser than you realize! 

As long as there are no major complications, baby number two will be easier in many ways because you’ll understand their cues and be able to anticipate their needs. While you may not remember exactly how often you did laundry the first time around (so much poop and spit up!), it’ll all come back very quickly. 

It may be helpful to scroll through photos of your first when they were new. It’ll give you a good boost of oxytocin (that feel-good hormone!) and you may start to remember your experience the first time around. Just be sure to keep yourself open to a fresh experience with baby number two, for all you know they may be completely different from your first.