5 Things I Wish I’d Known Before Baby

Between advice from friends and Google, it can be incredibly overwhelming to prepare for the birth of your baby. Here are the five lessons I wish I had known during my prenatal days: 

1. Make plans—but be prepared to toss them out the window.

An early example of this life-long parenthood lesson is your birth plan. Sure, it helps you feel in control and allows you and your birth partner(s) to be informed and better prepared for game-day split second decisions. My plan was to have a natural birth; to soak in the maternity suit’s tub and roll around on a ball. But contractions came on strong and FAST, and by the time I got to the hospital I was begging for pain intervention. Six hours later, I gave birth to a healthy baby, and I didn’t care that I didn’t use my meditation playlist. It’s great to have a plan, but it’s more important to be flexible. You often have to improvise based on you and your baby’s needs, and there is NOTHING wrong with that. 

2. Know when (and how) to ask for help.

You’ve probably had your OB/midwife/doula/friends stress the importance of help in those first few weeks after birth. What they don’t tell you is what to say when people ask, “What can I do?” Postpartum brain fog IS A THING. Keep a list – on paper or on your phone – so when people ask, you can easily dole out tasks, even if it’s as simple as, “Pick up my favorite hummus at Trader Joe’s,” or “Help me sort the 0-3 month onesies out of this pile.”

While tasks are important, also make sure you have support for your mental health. Postpartum depression and anxiety can come on quickly, and don’t look the same on everyone. I actually didn’t know what postpartum anxiety was, until a week after giving birth I couldn’t sleep because I would lie in bed shaking, my thoughts racing. And it’s not just the birth parent—a close friend’s husband struggled for almost a year before being diagnosed with PPD, unaware that he was capable of being at risk. Luckily, medication and talk therapy helped both situations. Whatever your scenario, the sooner you reach out, the quicker you can heal. 

3. There are a ton of specialists to help you get the support you deserve.

With all the demands on your physical and mental health, we can forget the most obvious: Parents need to be parented, too. I wish I had known about the host of postpartum professionals available (luckily, we just threw an event covering the topic and came away with some amazing resources for you to explore). Night nurses, sleep experts, pelvic floor physical therapists, lactation consultants, dog walkers—you name it. I hired a postpartum doula to help me meal plan and brainstorm what to do with this small human I was suddenly in charge of. I wish I’d done it sooner, but jeez, was I glad I did it at all. 

4. Boundaries are GREAT.

Feel confident asking for all the help in the world–but also feel confident declining it. It’s okay to just want to be alone with your baby or your thoughts. It’s okay to skip major holidays and birthdays when you’re still being woken up every 1-2 hours. It’s okay to say no to the in-laws that want to come over and hold the baby when you haven’t showered. It’s even okay to say no to the mayonnaise casserole your dad wants to drop by. Finally, it’s okay to decline advice, unsolicited or otherwise (including mine!). You’ll start to feel in your gut what will and won’t work for you and your family. You also may get overwhelmed and don’t want to think about it, and just need to be heard. 

5. Finding your community is key. 

Family, professionals, and alone time are fantastic, but finding your peer network is something every new parent deserves. Friends, other parents—people who get what you're going through and can let you be yourself. A space where you know it’s okay to struggle. It’s okay to feel lonely. It’s okay to feel BORED. It’s okay to want to murder your partner. It’s okay to ask yourself, do I actually want to be doing this whole “raising a human thing?” Or have some “oh god, what did I DO?” moments. 

But it’s also okay to feel elated, joyous, awed, and blissfully shocked by a new kind of love and connection you’ve never felt before. Guess what? That joy is only multiplied when you have folks to share it with. I leaned heavily on my virtual mother’s group during the early days of parenthood and the pandemic, allowing me to share the wonders and tears of becoming a mom. Now, I am grateful for my Baby Booty Community. Sure, I love to sweat. But my favorite part is when we all sit on the floor and share as our babies grasp and crawl and learn and grow together. You can always join us in person or Livestream a workout OR a community class if you just want to connect.

I hope my list helps a bit. I hope you feel in your heart and gut your own path. You don’t have to struggle alone—but you also don’t have to marvel alone. Find your community. Find your truth. Both are out there, waiting for you.